“But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from your hand. And now I have seen with joy how willingly your people who are here have given to you. O LORD, God of our fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Israel, keep this desire in the hearts of your people forever, ...and keep their hearts loyal to you.”
Reading these verses this week was completely spontaneous. It has been something I have been reflecting on. My deeds and my belief, and how they happen to work together (if at all). It's so easy to know in my head. Of course they both must work together. It seems, on paper, so simple. But a few weeks ago it did not. I completely lost all joy in doing deeds (deeds meaning good, godly deeds like serving and sharing the gospel). It is even hard to explain now---it is half a realization of how insufficient I am, how so many times I do not have God's interest in mind. Another half, a doubting of who God is because, feeling my insufficiency, I doubted that God could even use me, even want to use me. Right now I feel sort of silly going on about this. But it is completely true. It is good and right to know who I am, my own sin and incapability to do awesome things. It is when I lose sight of who God is that it starts looking ugly. And that is what it is. My deeds are ugly without Christ at the center. There is always a root to a plant. Christ needs to be the root of my deeds.
I like how David in 1 Chronicles 29 asks, "Who are we that we could give so generously?" It is a privilege to give, to love, to serve, to do good deeds. It is something we have to be given, in a way. "Everything comes from Your hand." Everything we could possibly give to God was and is and will always be God's. The end. It is not a burden. God gives us so that we may give, and God wants us to desire to give. Giving is so like God. He wants it to be us, too.
I heard this phrase this week:
Pray Big.
I intentionally capitalized the 'big.' I think, in reading prayers from the Bible and Jesus' own prayers, that praying big is the way to go. When you ask God for something big, when you ask God for anything at all, it is really realizing God's character. He is the Giver. He is generous, and He knows what we need.
Okay, the cookies are done baking, so now I have to go to sleep. (:
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