I require God's grace. I really do.

Your grace is required.

Main Entry:re*quire
Pronunciation:ri-*kw*r
Function:verb
Inflected Form:re*quired ; re*quir*ing

1 : to demand as necessary or essential
2 : COMMAND : ORDER

Your grace is necessary.

Main Entry:1nec*es*sary
Pronunciation:*ne-s*-*ser-*
Function:noun
Inflected Form:plural -saries

: an indispensable item

Your grace is indispensable.

Main Entry:in*dis*pens*able
Pronunciation:*in-di-*spen-s*-b*l
Function:adjective

: absolutely essential : REQUISITE
–in*dis*pens*abil*i*ty \-*spen-s*-*bi-l*-t*\ noun
–indispensable noun
–in*dis*pens*ably \-*spen-s*-bl*\ adverb

I require God’s grace. There is no way around it.

I feel like this is something I probably learned in Sunday School. Something I took for granted. I perhaps scoffed at its simplicity, and the notion of God’s grace and how my works do not equal my salvation because my works are not good enough. Jesus is my righteousness, Jesus’ sacrifice my payment, and by putting my faith in Him my sins, my works, are washed clean, and God considers me holy and righteous.*

Of course, simple does not mean easy. It is funny how God will frustrate me sometimes and it is only by digging and going back to something I thought I had ‘figured out’ that I can have peace about something.

I require God’s grace. Because of Jesus, all God offers me is (in essence) Grace. It is something I have not deserved, can never deserve. Everything should cause me to praise Him.

And I require God’s grace.

“You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? Have you suffered so much for nothing---if it really was for nothing? Does God give you His Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law or because you believe what you heard?” Galatians 3:1-4.

Sometimes I think the ‘Christian life,’ in my mind looks like this: God gives me some vague rules (called the Bible) I do the best I can, and then I report back to God. That is foolish. That is exhausting. That is slavery. That is not God at all. Does God give us His Spirit and work miracles among us because we observe the law or because we believe what we have heard? Exactly that. Rather, who can do these good deeds, these good works?

Again, another familiar passage that became too worn in my mind, but God brings back with vitality and newness:

“To keep me from being conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

This passage with exactness describes something God had shown me recently. I am, I confess, a perfectionist. I am so critical of my life, down to every detail. That obsession and control translated into my relationship with God like this: If I couldn’t change myself (I can’t!) then God needed to change this area (for example, pride or lust) right now. When I say so. Just take it away.
What I began to realize is that God wants me where I am at. Wherever I am at. God loved me in my sin, and even now God puts trials in my life, allows me to be in that sort of personal-discontentment because a) it is not about me, and b) my hope is in Christ. God may leave me in a situation, but He doesn’t leave me. Even now, surveying back on my life, my weakest points, my point of evident selfishness and sin and rebellion---God has used those things. So much. I reference them constantly when I am in conversation with another person. If I had not been so deep in sin, if in those moments when I could have chosen to “do” the right thing---I can’t configure an alternative present. But I know in all things God has been glorified, and His faithfulness and His intense love for me so pronounced.

Your grace is sufficient.

Main Entry:suf*fi*cient
Pronunciation:s*-*fi-sh*nt
Function:adjective

: adequate to accomplish a purpose or meet a need
–suf*fi*cient*ly adverb

Another passage that was well-worn to my ears:

“I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13

In context:

“I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:10-13

I believe that verse thirteen is not saying that I can do everything through Christ, but that everything I do can be done through Christ. Does that make sense? Not that by claiming Christ I will have the ability to do EVERYTHING. But that, by claiming Christ, everything that I do can be done through Christ. He will provide strength. He will provide the words to speak (check out 1 Corinthians 2:1-5). He will change us, will sanctify us. I feel like I’ve mentioned this before, but I used to approach the Bible as a self-help book. I would take a passage and ram it down my own throat, or take it apart and fit it into my life somehow, everything on my own strength. I can tell you this: that only produces guilt and frustration. The Bible is not a self-help book anymore than the gospel is a self-help ideology. And it is not. It is anti-self help. More and more I am convinced that Jesus needs to be the Lord of my life, to have say, to destroy and rebuild. If Jesus is Lord I am not. I cannot be. Obviously I need to cooperate with God, I need to obey. But it doesn’t start there.

Lawrence O. Richards has an illuminated understanding of the Bible:

“God didn’t share his Word with us simply to give us information. He didn’t even reveal his thoughts so we could believe correctly. God gave us his Word to being us into a transforming relationship with him….The Bible is a relational book.” (“Complete Bible Handbook”)

One last thought which requires the mentionings of two passages. If you are reading these words now, read through ALL of the rest of this post.

“If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For CHRIST’S LOVE compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.” II Corinthians 5:13-14

“The word of the LORD came to me: “Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Woe to you shepherds of Israel who only take care of yourselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. So they were scattered because there was no shepherd, and when they were scattered they became food for all the wild animals. My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth, and no one searched or looked for them.
“‘Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, because my flock lacks a shepherd and so has been plundered and has become food for all the wild animals, and because my shepherds did not search for my flock but cared for themselves rather than for my flock, therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: This is what the Sovereign LORD says: I am against the shepherds and will hold them accountable for my flock. I will remove them from tending the flock so that the shepherds can no longer feed themselves. I will rescue my flock from their mouths, and it will no longer be food for them.
“‘For this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I myself will search for my sheep and look after them. As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness. I will bring them out from the nations and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them into their own land. I will pasture them on the mountains of Israel, in the ravines and in all the settlements in the land. I will tend them in a good pasture, and the mountain heights of Israel will be their grazing land. There they will lie down in good grazing land, and there they will feed in a rich pasture on the mountains of Israel. I myself will tend my sheep and have them lie down, declares the Sovereign LORD. I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak, but the sleek and the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice.
“‘As for you, my flock, this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I will judge between one sheep and another, and between rams and goats. Is it not enough for you to feed on the good pasture? Must you also trample the rest of your pasture with your feet? Is it not enough for you to drink clear water? Must you also muddy the rest with your feet? Must my flock feed on what you have trampled and drink what you have muddied with your feet?
“‘Therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says to them: See, I myself will judge between the fat sheep and the lean sheep. Because you shove with flank and shoulder, butting all the weak sheep with your horns until you have driven them away, I will save my flock, and they will no longer be plundered. I will judge between one sheep and another. I will place over them one shepherd, my servant David, and he will tend them; he will tend them and be their shepherd. I the LORD will be their God, and my servant David will be prince among them. I the LORD have spoken.
“‘I will make a covenant of peace with them and rid the land of savage beasts so that they may live in the wilderness and sleep in the forests in safety. I will make them and the places surrounding my hill a blessing. I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing. The trees will yield their fruit and the ground will yield its crops; the people will be secure in their land. They will know that I am the LORD, when I break the bars of their yoke and rescue them from the hands of those who enslaved them. They will no longer be plundered by the nations, nor will wild animals devour them. They will live in safety, and no one will make them afraid. I will provide for them a land renowned for its crops, and they will no longer be victims of famine in the land or bear the scorn of the nations. Then they will know that I, the LORD their God, am with them and that they, the Israelites, are my people, declares the Sovereign LORD. You are my sheep, the sheep of my pasture, and I am your God, declares the Sovereign LORD.’”
Ezekiel 34

Do I not realize that it is not my goodness that compels me to do good works? To share the gospel? Do I realize how much God loves people, how it WILL be Himself who heals the wounds, binds up the hurts, so will give joy and salvation? It is all in God’s plan. God loves people. Christ loves people, and it is that intense love that must be seen and take effect in my life to reach lost people. I must let Jesus be Lord in my life. God’s motivation is love.
It is not my goodness, or even how God has been changing my heart that changes people, that comforts people, that listens to people, but it is God who intentionally reaches out to the lost and loves them so intensely, infinitely more than I could ever, that reaches these people. It is not my goodness. God loves the lost, Jesus offered everything and gave up everything for us. I have absolutely nothing to offer God; I do not have anything to offer ANYONE.
What could I offer that would be of benefit to anyone? Will it be my words? My attitude? My compassion? It all just seems so worthless against the great, gaping need each of us has for a whole relationship with our God. I can ONLY offer them Jesus. Of course, that does not mean, for example, that I only talk to them about the Bible or something. It just means that my every interaction with them hangs on this rope, this realization and invitation for God to really take over. Give me an ear to listen, words of wisdom, and whatever comes out, whatever God does with it, all praise to Him. There is intense peace with that. All I can do is to continually plead for them to God in prayer. I am not at all perfect in this, but it’s something that God’s put on my mind for the past few months.

I require God’s grace.

The next time someone asks me who my favorite Bible character is (I don’t remember the last time someone asked me) I am going to answer, “David.” Because I’ve been reading a bit on this guy, and this guy’s attitude and mind and heart just astounds me.

His response to God’s goodness in his life is amazing. It is the heart of a worshipper.
If you have never done so, read through 2 Samuel sometime. It will blow you away if you really read it.

I wish I could go on and on about why I pick David. I won’t. Maybe on another post. Let me mention the David’s responses:

“Then King David went in and sat before the LORD, and he said: ‘Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? And as if this were not enough in your sight, O Sovereign LORD, you have also spoken about the future of the house of your servants. Is this your usual way of dealing with man, O Sovereign LORD? What more can David say to you? For you know your servant, O Sovereign LORD. For the sake of your word and according to your will, you have done this great thing and made it known to your servant. How great you are, O Sovereign LORD! There is no one like you, and there is no God but you, as we have heard with our own ears. And who is like your people Israel…” 2 Samuel 7:18 and on.

“But who am I, and who are my people that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand. We are aliens and strangers in your sight, as were all our forefathers. Our days on earth are like a shadow, without hope. O LORD our God, as for all this abundance that we have provided for building you a temple for your Holy Name, it comes from your hand, and all of it belongs to you. I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. All these things have I given willingly and with honest intent. And now I have seen with joy how willingly your people who are here have given to you. O LORD, God of our fathers Abraham, Isaac and Israel, keep this desire in the hearts of your people forever, and keep their hearts loyal to you…” 2 Chronicles 29:14 and on.

God changes our hearts and lives. We don’t deserve it. It is awesome. God’s grace: required.

I require God’s grace. I really do.

God is so good.

Psalm 73

When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, was sensles and igorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

Letters

I remember giving letters to that dead feeling.
What longer made sense? Because all the fancy names
I thought to give parted to find
nothing behind the curtain.

If there were a box, if that box was me,
empty it. I want to empty it,
the contents spilling like fire crackers into a sea.

No one needs to know me--must I be known?
More else, sometimes I think I don’t
want to be known; or I want to be known
for not being known.

Once there was a birth, and that was myself.
The product of a moment of intense desire, like everyone else.
But with a reason. Right, isn’t that why am I here, Lord?
I want to cut off those entangling cords that tell me,
“Better find a tight space to fit in.”
Can you give me,--to be unknown
in every eye but Your own--that intense desire?
Can I belong in You?

If there is a box, I would empty it out.
I would write prayers and secrets, scratch a paper
with my hurts and then seal the box.

But then? I don’t know. I don’t think
I would want it to sink into the sea.
Would it sink, even?

Or would it fly across the water, toward the sun,
because where do those prayers go?

What would it look like, those tight pages of

jealousy and insecurity,
frustration, hater,
stomping on people,
disguising sin.

Rage.
To look at You silently, in the midst of that rage---when all I want to know
was, ‘Is that You?’ I don’t want it if it was not. Are You mad, what? Do You care
if I cry and shrink off when we dance? Or am I just made at You?

Where would they land?
Maybe it is a gift I need to give.

It slips across my fingers, that huge box I carry around my arms,
tops across someone’s feet, and they stare at it
with the falling gaze of the wind, like a hunger.
It gets kicked until it disappears.

God, you are not the box.
All the boxes I have collected, all the boxes I have stored,
all of them cramped in tight spaces;
I release them to You.

I can give You nothing else.