I suppose it is about time for another blog post.
I am really unfaithful when it comes to updating this blog. I will have five posts within two days, and then nothing for a month.
Summer has blown past so quickly. I can't believe it is just a week until school starts. In many ways, I am beyond excited for the school year.
Why am I excited for the school year?
In most ways, there will be nothing very new about this school year; I am still going to the same college, taking the (some) of the same classes, just more of them now. I will live in the same house and commute like the years before, and take the bus system.
God has really, really been trying to tell me something this summer, and now I'm beginning to really hear it.
And that is this: I cannot love people on my own, with my own strength and own love.
I can't. I am not capable of it. Does that make sense? It used to make sense to me, but I don't think I really believed it. I still thought I could do it on my own, perhaps with gospel "aids" and trying to "include" imitating Jesus into it.
It has to be completely His, and none of mine.
Right now it makes sense to me, because I can't imagine loving someone truly. I'm really tired of trying on my own, too, because on my own I don't even have the desire to have compassion.
Psalm 18:34-40
"Whenever God slew them, they would seek him;
they eagerly turned to him again.
"They remembered that God was their Rock,
that God Most High was their Redeemer.
"But then they would flatter him with their mouths,
lying to him with their tongues;
"their hearts were not loyal to him,
they were not faithful to his covenant.
"Yet he was merciful;
he forgave their iniquities
and did not destroy them.
Time after time he restrained his anger
and did not stir up his full wrath.
"He remembered that they were but flesh,
a passing breeze that does not return.
"How often they rebelled against him in the desert
and grieved him in the wasteland!"
I read that yesterday, and I wondered: How many times have I merely flattered God with my lips and literally lied to Him with my tongue? Sometimes the problem isn't that I don't pray the "right things," but that I don't really mean them; or, if I can't seem to mean them, tell God I can't and ask Him to change me. I know that I really desire to become what God desires me to become---but I can't seem to allow Him.
What needs to be, according to these verses, is that my heart becomes steadfast. I thought about that for a bit. Really, to be fastened in its stead. My heart has a place in Christ (yes, that Christ bought it). It has a place and needs to remain there, to live there, to belong there; the more it dwells there, the more it will become like God and shine with God's character, like the definition of love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
For this semester, Hebrews 12 has definitely become my theme.
Hebrew 12:14-15
"Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many."
And before those verses, the writer of Hebrews states, "In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood." (4) How far will I go? Will I struggle with perserverence against the flesh, or will I give in too easily too many times? God will give me the power to fight, the same power He used to raise Christ from the dead. Will I not accept it? Wouldn't that promise spur me on? And God ALWAYS keeps His promises.
Psalm 77:13-14 "Your ways, oh God, are holy. What God is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles. You display Your power among the peoples."
This school year...what I desire for my life is that I let God reign in it, not me. That I use His resources, not my own. I am weary of using my own strength, and I just don't have it to myself to love someone sacrifically, to feel compassion or empathy. The junk in my heart needs to be boiled out until all I can see is Christ.
Reign in Us by Starfield
You thought of us before the world began to breathe
You knew our names before we came to be
You saw the very day we fall away from You
and how desperately we need to be redeemed
Lord Jesus
come lead us
we're desperate for Your touch
Oh Great and Mighty One
with one desire we come
that You would reign that You would reign in us
we're offering up our lives
a living sacrifice
that you would reign that You would reign in us
Spirit of the living God fall fresh again
come search our hearts and puify our lives
we need your perfect love we need your discipline
we're lost unless you guide us with your light
Lord Jesus
come lead us
we're desperate for Your touch
Oh Great and Mighty One
with one desire we come
that You would reign that You would reign in us
we're offering up our lives
a living sacrifice
that you would reign that you would reign in us
we cry out for Your life to revive us cry out
for Your love to define us cry out
for Your mercy to keep us
blameless until you return
oh Great and Mighty One
with one desire we come
that You would reign that You would reign in us
we're offering up our lives
a living sacrifice
that You would reign that You would reign in us
So reign please reign in us
come purify our hearts
we need Your touch
come cleanse us like a flood
and set us out
so the world may know You reign You reign in us
